It's that time of year again...

I'm not immune to the art of reflection, and this is that time when everyone manages to breathe, even for a little bit, and think about the past year. I wanted to share some of my thoughts over the past year because it was a bit different from previous years.

What is my craft?

I made this little fox as part of Alice Lee's (@byalicelee) fox workshop at Clayroom San Mateo. It came out of the glaze kiln with surface defects, like flaky underglaze.

I've always had trouble with my own perception of my own craft. If you've known me for a while, you know that I love making pottery and engaging in creative expression, but when it starts moving into the realm of business (i.e. making money) or social media (i.e. gaining likes/views), I become paralyzed and honestly kind of unhappy. I start comparing myself to others, wondering what makes my work more or less unappealing to the general public. I start thinking about making what's popular rather than what speaks to my heart. I start equating the success of my art to the success of my business. Every year when my Shopify renewal comes around, I debate just closing shop.

After SJMade Friend Fest 2024 in February, I felt a lot of disappointment in myself. It wasn't a bad market, so to speak. It just wasn't as good as I thought it would be. The Winter Wonder Market was wonderful! Thrilling! Fulfilling! And Friend Fest was very tame in comparison. I felt that my work did not speak to the clientele, and I felt like my work wasn't good enough for people to purchase. On top of that, markets have been physically exhausting for me as I don't eat much, I barely drink water, and I'm constantly overstimulated by everyone else around me. I almost always end each day with a massive headache and exhaustion. At least I made back my booth fee and a little more.

Over the summer, I participated in an in-person sale at my pottery studio, and I sold four pieces over the course of the day. I price my pieces at a point that I think is reasonable for my skill level. I evaluate my own skills, the time spent, and the materials used, and then I also compare to similar products on Etsy and other platforms. But when I sell as little as I did then, I wonder the following:

• Is my work too expensive? I don't want to undercut fellow potters, and I want to make sure my time is valued.
• Is my work not good or interesting enough?
• Am I selling my pieces to the right "market"?

And all of this uncertainty is why I spent most of 2024 opting to not sell besides updating my online shop now and then, and instead spent most of the year focusing on my own creative growth and building confidence in my craft. I love pottery for a lot of reasons; I didn't get into pottery initially to sell. So, I continued to offer preorders and released a few drops including collaborations, but I didn't try much with my business outside of that.

So how did it go?

Guinomi (ぐい呑み) made via the kurinuki (くり抜き) method in my Japanese pottery class.

I signed up for various classes and workshops: surface design, stenciling, Japanese pottery, glaze-making. I was going to do a moon jar workshop and then I had a surgery which kept me out of the studio for a bit (which turned out to be another reason to not do a market in the middle of the year). I learned and practiced new skills and stepped outside of my comfort zone. I expanded my knowledge on what could be done with clay. I dabbled in handbuilding while I was recovering from my surgery.

Floral Series II: The Beginning.

My most recent shop drop had the flower mugs, each of which I painted freestyle by hand, carved and then glazed. I thought they were so beautiful, and I was ecstatic to see each one come out of the kiln. There will always be room for improvement, but for the first time in a long while, I felt proud of what I made. I released them on my shop, and some of them sold -- and I didn't equate my own skill as an artist to the success of the sales. I see this as a beginning of a new perspective towards my craft, and that's a huge win.

What's next

Honestly, I'm still figuring it out. I think I've grown significantly when it comes to my perception and appreciation of my own art. However, I am very aware that I have felt and still sometimes feel shame about my pottery business.

To combat that shame, I have to be really conscious about everything that happened in my life outside of pottery and give myself some grace for the shame I feel about my pottery and the side hustle. I probably worked harder than ever at my day job (and didn't get rewarded for it, but that's another story). I traveled a good amount (Sweden, Denmark, Ireland, and Japan, to name a few). I supported loved ones through difficult times, which meant a lot of my own emotional energy was spent helping others. A lot of this time and energy is unseen when all you see is my pottery through the lens of social media.

If you know me through pottery, chances are high you've only seen one slice of my life because that's all I really let show most of the time. I have to remind myself that the shame I feel about my business -- the shame about not getting enough followers, not getting enough sales, not getting enough likes on social media -- comes from a place of expectations for myself that no one else holds. I also have to remind myself that I was doing a lot of other things outside of pottery and social media, and that it is totally reasonable for those areas to slide, and that it's not a sign that my art itself is a failure.

I've also been reflecting on the value of building community and sharing my work openly, so I'm interested in picking up the in-person market circuit again. I am not confident to have enough stuff for a solo booth, but I'd love to share a booth with a fellow artist. I'm also keeping an eye out for interesting and more local markets. I think that building connection with others is a huge missing element for me, and I really want to focus on that. It requires being vulnerable, which is something that's still uncomfortable for me, but it's needed in order to build that connection!

As a result of these new intentions, I want to shift attention away from certain offerings of mine like dog bowls. With this shift I might lose some followers who originally followed me for the pieces I made early on. But that's part of my growth, and I hope those who do stay recognize that and are there to see me continue that journey. I really appreciate those who have kept up with my progress and changes.

Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people who settle on a style or product right away and stick to that. I tried! And I failed miserably. But I hope that by connecting more with others, and expressing more of my authentic self through my art, people who continue to follow and support me will get to know more about me (which is honestly the scariest thing for a shy, awkward introvert like me).

-- Kristine